I am damn damn moody now. Wanted to write all my feelings that i can't express here. Actually 2 more days and i am able to go to genting with my love one. But he's sick at the moment and we decided to cancel our trip.
Yesterday he called me and tell me that let's cancel our trip as he is feeling worse and worse. My tears straight drop down. Maybe cos of my huge disppointment, therefore my tears keep rolling down. I try to control my emotion, but it just can't be helped. I was all alone in call centre as khatijah and amme is out of that office at the moment. I cried and cried while talking with him but i try not to let him know that i was crying. Soon after we hang up our phone. At that point of time, i was in great disppointment and some anger. Why all this things have to happen just before our genting trip. After that i send him a sms telling him how disppointed i am and when he call and tell me we don't cancel it and we still proceed to our trip. But my mood is all gone and i throw my tantrum at him. Quarrelling with him. Actually i am angry with him not because that he wants to cancel the trip, it's because that Wed he is already not feeling well and i did ask him to consult doctor and take MC for Thursday but he insist he's fine and went to work for Thursday. In my heart i was thinking, he can work so hard until he is sick and not willing to go on MC, but when comes to tour, he wants to cancel and rest at home. Meaning that working to him is much more important compare to me as he can easily give up on this trip which makes me feel so upset, angry and disppointed. This is where i feel so angry towards him yesterday without even considering how serious is his sickness and makes me don't seems like i am caring and concerning about him. He might think that i am cold blooded and doesn't care about him at all, But in actual facts i am concern about him at all times. If Wed he did listen to me and took his MC on thurs i won't mind him cancel his trip cos i know he is seriously sick. Yesterday what i talk to him is way too hurtful. Cos i am still angry with him for not listening to me to take his MC and wanna cancel the trip. I told him to pass me all the documents and i can go with other friend. He said no, if 1 never go, both also don't go. I say i don't care give me ALL. He then asked me who i wanna go with, i say no need him to care. After that he said FINE don't acknowledge him as my boyfriend, he will pass me everything. Hangs up. I know the way i talk to him is damn harsh just to throw tantrum at a sickly person like him. This time round i am really at fault. I wanna show care and concern but in a wrong way. Put myself into his shoe, if i am the 1 sick and wants to cancel the trip, and he says nvm he goes with his friend, i also will feel pissed off. But i am only using this to vent anger and not seriously will go with my friend alone without him. Today went to his house to visit him, he's really damn sick, keep vomiting, diarreoh, fever, coughing. Seeing him in this manner makes me heart pain. And thinking back of everything i did the day before, showing attitude, throwing tantrum.... i really feel that i am not a good girlfriend. Only know how to show attitude when people is really sick. I think if it were to be other way round, i am the 1 who fall sick, i think he will understand me and take pretty good care of me. My main purpose today is to take care of him, but i am good for nothing, i only can do nothing there. No help at all, really felt so useless. The only thing i can do is sit beside him and watch him sleep. After that i asked him to bath and will feel better but his mum doesn't allow this and that, so i have nothing to say but to keep quiet in case i say something wrong again. Maybe because of his mum is consider more to those old modern. Unlike my parents. Gap difference. So his mum was the only 1 taking care of him. I left his place around 7 plus and went to meet hy and jr. Watch HANDSOME SUIT. Nice show anyway. Finish show at around 1205am and we took bus 80 home as there's no more train. Chatting in bus with hy. About him and jr. I keep express all my troubles to her. Keep thinking and thinking in bus. Really felt so miserable. I think that he can find a better ladies with good figures and pretty faces with good personality. I am a disppointment to him. I don't wish to drag him any longer. I not fit to be his girlfriend and i am a lousy person. I have no more assurance in this relationship because of my stupid behaviour and attitude. Thou he treat me well, but it won't last because of me..That's all i can say. Last of all i am really sorry.
The Lady
[x]Hoon Qiu Ning <3.
[x] 13th September 1988, Her Big Day
[x] 22 years old
[x] Single I love freedom!
PROFILE
Mystery
Simple
LOVES
[x]Green
[x]Foods
[x]Drinks
[x]Happiness
[x]Families
[x]Friends
[x]Money
[x]OF COS,MYSELF and and and HIM
HATES
[x]GOSSIPERS
[x]Backstabber
[x]Insect
[x]Heartbreaker
[x]Empty Promises
[x]Flirt
[x]People who think they are perfect?when they aren't?
[x]Criticized people when they ain't good either?
WISHLIST
o Happy with him always
o More love from him
o Happy Family and Friends
o Good Career
o Lose weight
o Driving license
o Car
o More clothings
o BurBerry Handbag
o Braun Buffel Wallet
o 1 CARAT DIAMOND RING
o New Bracelet,necklace and anklet
o GOOD HUSBAND THAT'S OF COURSE!
o Eat all the nice food
o Big House
o More money I am easily contented,ain't i?just a simple wish will do for me.
