Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Hy just left my house...... I am feeling so down right now. YA RIGHT NOW!Although I try to stay calm and cool infront of her. But I feel like crying out to her.I keep forced myself to relax while talking with her. I know she knows how i feel,just that she keep chatting with me to divert my mind. Without her, no one could advice me what to do. Am I in the wrong or am i not? Why can't his mother gets to know me well.Instead of getting along with me, no matter what i do, is wrong wrong WRONG! I am on the phone with him and talking with him and not her. What for she join in the conversation and critised me? Although i know she is talking to her son, but she is indirectly pin point at me. Saying out loud so that i can hear what she is talking. When i heard what she said to him, my tears just drop. Ya maybe she is not my friend nor kin. But i am just hurt that my partner's mum critised me. If she is nobody to me, i won't even give a damn about her. Why i am so angry and pissed? Because she is his MOTHER! If she is not his mother i will have already FUCKED her upside down. But what to do? i have to tolerate. I have told him, since his mum don't like me, what for being together? We won't be happy in the end. Unless his mum give us her blessing. I have been trying to give in to his mum, whenever i sees her, i will greet and show mannerism to her. What's more she want? Is it a break up can make her feel happy so that she can keep her son with her? Isn't that selfish? Another thing which he came clear to me that he used an excuses that he mum fall so that he could not fetch me back from work to home, instead he can only meet me at my house there straight. He says that actually the truth is that he argue with his mum about me. Why so much trouble and effort to lie to me again! I am freaking disappointed although i know it's a white lie....... All i want is the truth of everything and stop making up stories so i can feel sorry and pity for you. Please tell your mum that, I asked you to swear is because of the things you did. Make me do this. And it's not my fault for being like this. In order for me to trust you I only have this way and you are the one who say that you will do whatever it takes to let me believe in you again. But did you or not. You lied once again. I hate liars. You can tell me it's white lies but when things became big, it will no longer be white lies. Understand?
Friday, December 18, 2009
Have been long long time since i update my blog.
Writting this post is to let me release my stress i have these few days.
It has been accumulated in my heart i feel like i am bursting out real soon.
I feel so stress, so tired.........
Haven't been in good terms with my boyfriend this few days.
What's more? His temper, his attitude is all coming out.
I really hate it! Now, little things can make him burst out on me.
Shouting at me right infront of the public where people are looking at us,
IT DAMN LOUD TILL THE PEOPLE SHOPPING STOPPED AND LOOK! ATMOSPHERE SILENT...
showing me faces and sorts. I am really pissed off.
Pissed till i only have one thinking, "break off".
I already have zero tolerance on people who shout at me.
Yet a boyfriend doesn't understand what I want.
Thou i know he treats me good, but sometimes i really can't tolerate the way he treats me.
Ups and Downs, tired.... really tired.....
Seems like things work out for now and he promised me that he won't shout at me again.
But is it true? I asked myself. Will he do it again?
I've told him, I am the person who i hate people shouting at me.
One more time, I will leave. Not because i don't love you anymore.
Cause i am being forced to do so. And you FORCED me.
The shadow of Victor seems to be back from him.
It makes me feel damn scared.. damn damn scared..........
Why i said that, it's cause the both of them can't control their emotion well.
I already have the fobia there.
I just feel like crying out loud. I ain't as strong as some of my friends,
although i might look happy-go-lucky to my friends,
comes to relationship, i am weak.
Friendship is not smooth as well as my relationship. I don't know what the fuck is going on.
Hy will be leaving in approx 2 months time.
I will have one less buddy whom i can confide to.
I really feel so stress.......Typing all this post with my tears dropping non-stop.
Who can tell me what to do?
I am a failure in everything.
A TOTAL FAILURE.....
